Symptoms Of Mercy
by Kount Xero
Summary: She had taken control a long time ago. She had driven him on and had driven in her own voice to his heart. He had been merciless towards both himself and them all along, but now, there were symptoms of mercy showing...
1. Introduction: Symptoms Of Mercy

_Author's Note:This fanfiction was inspired by a Static-X song named "S.O.M."(Symptoms Of Mercy). I don't own any rights, nor will I own any._

* * *

"_I have seen, symptoms of mercy!_  
_Dragged out of hiding..!  
__Try to seduce me... Try to seduce me..!"  
__Static-X:"S.O.M."_

**_"SYMPTOMS OF MERCY" _**

Black.

It was the only colour he could see with his eyes now. The only colour that filled up his world, the shades coming through loud and clear. He knew that all the colours he had seen had brought him to this; the wide spectrum of colours had produced the monochrome vision... And it included two colours: black, and since it is the darkest colour, white.

As he laid on the altar, with his shirt taken off, he knew that his promise was still binding him. His fate was still bound to hers.

His muscular body shivered under her icy touch.

"Do you regret your decision?" she demanded.

What could he have said? He had made a promise, and he was to stand behind it no matter what the cost. He thought that no price was, or would be high.

And as he felt that fingernail open up a small cut on his skin, he knew that he couldn't pay the price anymore.

"I..." he could say, without thinking of anything else. How was he to respond? By telling her that this was wrong? That he finally saw the line between right and wrong? That he didn't intend for all to end up the way they had? That he loved her... always and forever?

"I think I saw symptoms of mercy..." she said, he could feel her licking her lips, "S.O.M. That's the code. Remember it."

"S.O.M." he repeated, tasting the letters, "What... is it for..?"

"You will know when the time comes." She replied, with that cryptic voice, announcing how the symptoms of his mercy towards himself was to be a code. The password to his own forgiveness was lost a long time ago. His mainframe was locked.

And she had the key.

But she never gave it to him. She knew she had him right in her hand. And when she had realised the power of this, she hadn't hesitated to use or to abuse him to excuse herself. He knew it just as well as she did.

"Ri-"

"Do NOT speak of my name!" she said, tapping one of his veins with her fingers, making pain emerge from the contacting point. He didn't even moan; because he was used to the random physical pain of love.

"What... should I call you!?" he demanded, "If not... with your name."

"If you absolutely need a name... My name for you is Ayreona."

"Ayreona..? Why..?"

"There is no why. It's just that. I am Ayreona; the one to raise above all!"

"I can't... let you... do this."

"Oh, can't you?" she asked, before bending down and landing a kiss on his lips. The cuts on his lips started to bleed with the soft impact, but he couldn't help but relax under the soft touch. Then, he felt his pants sliding down on his legs. He felt her soft weight fall on top of her, and felt her soft hands touch on his cheek. She felt so divine.

After the kiss, she rose on top of him and smiled. She straddled herself onto his lap and demanded the words she knew he would say.

He parted his lips, slowly and inhaled a deep breath. And then, he spoke to flip his soul inside out... For her to see.

"I... I can't believe I'm letting you do this to me."


	2. Symptom 1: Ceasing Extremity

_**"SYMPTOMS OF MERCY"**_

_"Can I not be taken...  
To such extremes as you whisper..?"  
Static-X:"S.O.M."_

**Symptom 1:"Ceasing Extremity"**

His stare would always contact the ground.

Dr.Kodowaki didn't know exactly why, but it had been at about six months since his wounds started to show up everywhere around his body, and his stare would not lift itself from the ground. She had never liked the stare of his eyes...

...But she didn't recall fearing them either.

As she instructed Squall to take off his jacket and t-shirt, she hoped that his wounds were a little bit lesser in both numbers and depth, compared to the last time he was in the Infirmary.

As Squall took off his t-shirt, Dr.Kodowaki's eyes explored the map of broken skin that laid on him like a pefectly fitting shirt. The cuts, the bruises, the gashes... Everything was laying on him like the map of abuse.

"I see you've got two in your neck area that look fresh..." Dr.Kodowaki said, "How did these cuts open up? They are linear... Which means something that is straight must've done it; metal, most probably."

"Whatever."

"How did it happen?" Dr.Kodowaki asked.

"I don't know." Squall replied, his gaze still on the ground.

"How is that possible?"

"I woke up this morning, with these bleeding, without a clue about how they were inflicted."

"I don't buy that."

"Whether you buy it or not... It's the truth."

_It must be the truth._

"It can't be the truth." Dr.Kodowaki said.

"It must."

"It mustn't."

"It should."

"It shouldn't."

"It can be the truth as we know it!" Squall pressed on.

"And I am here to tell you, mister, that it can not!!!" Dr.Kodowaki rose.

Squall just shivered to the tone of her voice, and began to watch the ground again. Dr. Kodowaki sighed. She observed the young man that was sitting on the bed with just his pants on. His stare was on the ground again, and his arms were embracing himself as if it was cold. Dr.Kodowaki noted that, eventhough the room was hot, he was shivering.

"Squall, what is it with you that you're not telling me?" Dr.Kodowaki said.

"Nothing."Squall said.

"That doesn't look like it's nothing."

"It was a Green Dragon attack." Squall defended himself.

"Don't you lie to me. You didn't go anywhere that is near the territory of Green Dragons!"

"Have you been checking my journals!?"

"No. I was about to present your mission logs as a proof."

"Those can be altered."

"Not the ones that are as top-secret as yours, mister."

"Whatever."

"Not, WHATEVER!!!" Dr.Kodowaki screamed, gripping tight a bottle of disinfectant and smashing it by throwing it to the wall.

Squall shivered so hard to that, the strings of the hospital bed screeched to his move. Dr.Kodowaki made a mental note to that, and thought he should see a therapist to aid him with his current condition.

"Squall..." she said, "Do you have any troubles? Besides the brutal carnage of the missions?"

"No..." Squall said, his gaze being lifted from the ground to the wall; as he faced away from Dr.Kodowaki.

"Anything wrong at all? Seasonal depression, problems with your friends... With yourself?"

"None."

"With Rinoa?" she demanded, holding on to her last hope.

Squall didn't reply, but Dr.Kodowaki saw him shiver with the sound of the name, his jaw tightening, his hands shaking slightly. Her eyes had caught the movement, and it's meaning was revealed.

"You're having problems with Rinoa!?" she demanded, surprised.

"No." Squall replied, with a shake of fear in his voice.

"Squall, you are not permitted to leave this chamber unless you speak a few words of truth!"

"It is the truth! What do you want me to say!?"

"I want you to tell the absolute truth! The reflection of reality!"

"Is that what it is!? I say what you want to hear and you let me off!?"

"YES!"

"THEY ARE SELF-INFLICTED!!!"

As silence rushed into the room, it's ghostly essence swept over both of them; smiling while embracing them in it's cold grip. They stood within it's wake, and meaning followed silence into the room, but only smiled to Dr.Kodowaki.

"Squall Leonhart, I declare anywhere outside the vicinity of the Infirmary off-limits for you." Dr.Kodowaki said.

"Get out of my way." Squall said, taking a step towards the door.

"Not in this lifetime." Dr.Kodowaki said, taking a step towards him.

Squall gasped as he felt the cold needle press itself into the vein, releasing it's soothing essence through it. He felt his heart embrace the cold vaccine, and start to clone it to send it through his body.

His legs weakened almost immidiately. He fell onto his knees, seeing the world start to spin. He held on to the bed post, with his teeth clenched.

He looked up to Dr.Kodowaki. Dr.Kodowaki saw a world explode behind his eyes. Squall's free hand reached to the tools nearby, and his fingers gripped tight a scalpel.

"What did you... do... that... for..?" he demanded, lifting the scalpel up, "You... know... that I... have nightmares... with... seda-sedatives..."

Dr.Kodowaki watched him as the sedative started to take him over. Squall's hand moved forwards, and dropped the scalpel. Dr.Kodowaki sighed as she knew that he should be falling asleep any moment.

"I... will... not... bend to... this."

"Squall, calm down."

"I... don't... want... want to be... this... not... tonight."

Dr.Kodowaki stood silent, listening to his subconscious words slip through.

"I... don't want to... be... what you... want me to... be." He shook, as tears forced his eyes, "Why... I didn't... do... anything... I... don't... want to be... this... I... can't!"

His body had started to convulse, as Dr.Kodowaki rung up an alarm for her Med-SeeDs, Squall was starting to get up, although his legs weren't responding properly, he was trying to.

"You... know I... won't... recoil... That's... not... a good thing as a... a soldier... a SeeD..."

The Med-SeeDs rushed in, as Dr.Kodowaki pointed at them to hold Squall down as his convulsions became worse.

"My world... it comes... crashing..." Squall said.

"We can't hold him!" a SeeD exclaimed.

"Around me... It's... falling... Every knot... Noose... Noose... Dead butterflies..."

"STAND ASIDE!" Dr.Kodowaki instructed them, holding yet another dose of sedatives; a heavier one this time.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY-" Squall shouted out as Dr.Kodowaki's needle approached him. His palm went right through the needle and shouted atain, "-FROM ME!!!"

His fingers had found the scalpel, and instinctively, he gripped it tight. Lifting it up, he swung it... And the scalpel got stuck into Dr.Kodowaki's shoulder, making her scream in pain and retreat from him. Squall gripped one of the Med-SeeDs, and the scalpel pierced through his throat, spilling his blood all over the floor, leaving him choking on his knees.

"DoctAAAAAAAAGH!!!" a Med-SeeD cried out, as the scalpel entered his eye, and his eyeball blasted in it's socket.

"**SLEEP!!!**" an angry voice echoed in the room. An orange light flashed, so very briefly; enough for the cadets to witness the caster of that spell.

As Squall's convulsions begun to cease, the room started to be filled by the cries of pain that emerged from the wounded Med-SeeDs, and Dr.Kodowaki herself.

"What in the name of Hyne is going on here!?" Quistis Trepe demanded.

"Squall..." Dr.Kodowaki could say, "He just... Flipped out. He attacked at, GREAT HYNE IN HEAVEN SAVE US!"

Quistis first thought that she had just acknowledged the situation of her wounded Med-SeeDs, but, then, Quistis saw it too.

Squall fell down as he lost conscience. They saw a shadow drift towards him. As the shadow passed through the lights of the room, the light bulbs exploded wherever they were, sending off jets of flames everywhere.

"HOLY SHIVA!" Quistis cried out, as she tried to duck down. Every piece of electronic device was blowing up by themselves as the shadow passed through them.

Quistis thought, _What in the name of all that is holy is that!? I must stop it._

Without thoughts, she rushed towards it. The lamps had started to flicker already, as the shadow took a rather humanish shape and stood on it's "feet". Quistis touched the shadow...

...And a blinding pain suddenly washed over her body, making her pass out immidately. She was unconscious before she had hit the floor.

Dr.Kodowaki pulled the cross of Hyne from beneath her shirt. She held the necklace up and started to walk towards the shadow.

"In the name of Hyne I command you to stop!" she said, advancing towards it. The shadow just pointed at her, and Dr.Kodowaki felt herself fly backwards, and slam onto the wall, the scalpel piercing through her arm even more, and entering into her side. She screamed out in pain, trying not to pass out as the lights kept on flickering.

The door of the Infirmary slid open one more time, letting Selphie Tilmitt inside. She shrieked in fear as she saw the flickering lights, and the dead bodies that lay on the ground. Her eyes filled with terror, and her back pressed against the nearest wall. She kept her mouth shut and tried to sustain her screams. She felt herself slide down and sit on the floor, holding her knees to her chin. She embraced herself as the shadow gently touched Squall.

Selphie's ears ached with the monochromatic scream that had emerged from the shadow. It was singing; with a subtle, fixed, monotone melody that brought forth so many melodies that meant only one thing; slaughter. Selphie couldn't hold back her scream as this grinding sound pierced through her ears. She held her ears, trying to block it out; but only then she realised that the scream came from the inside.

_Stop... Stop... Stop... Stop... Stop... Stop... STOP... STOP THIS!!! _

Selphie tried to close her eyes, but her eyes remained wide open as the shadow entangled itself around Squall's half-naked form. He was unconscious, for all Selphie could see, and he didn't seem to wince at all when he was touched by darkness.

Selphie was trying to gain back her calm when another device nearby the bed exploded, sending shards of metal towards Selphie's direction. Screaming, she finally managed to close her eyes, leaning towards the ground to reduce the area she was covering; instinctively.

The doors of the Infirmary slid open one more time, to lead Zell Dincht inside; and he stumbled upon a piece of metal that was flying at Selphie. Zell's Achilleus tendon caught the piece, making him collapse onto the ground.

The scream was filling the air. Like a blinding confusion, it shouted out the questions that filled their minds; what was going on? What had brought the forces of nature and the forces that were above nature to collide in this room full of technology and remedies?

_This scream!_ Zell thought, _I think I recognize... Hyne, make it stop, I recognize this... It's that song..! Her... song. Why... But why is it... HYNE, MAKE THIS TORMENT CEASE!!!_

Zell crawled on the ground, curled up like a ball, and covered up his ears with his fighting gloves that blocked most of the sound out. Muttering Hyne a prayer of grace, he started to observe the scene.

Squall was lifted up now, his body floatin in the air, embraced by the dark arms of that shadow which had taken the shape of an angel. This dark seraphim was gently carrying Squall to the bed. Zell was surprised that he wasn't doing anything about it. Then, he noticed that, his eyes were closed.

_He must've passed out already... What on Earth is going on here!?_

The shadow gently put Squall onto the matress, and then, let go of him. Squall immidiately turned to the side and embraced himself. The shadow then pointed at the bed sheets, and they stretched themselves out to cover him. Once the work was done, the shadow started to fade away as the erratic lights began to shine with a magical shade to them. Zell knew that the light bulbs were long gone... The light was magical. He could feel it.

The shadow then came back, but the lights went on and on. Zell could see the shadow, and as it's feet passed through him, he felt something familiar about it. When the shadow got out of the room, he tried to look around. There wasn't much left to see. Dr.Kodowaki was lying on a corner, unconscious. Quistis was nearby the bed Squall was sleeping on, and she was unconscious too.

Taking his hands off his ears, Zell pushed the ground and then, the pain on his leg reminded him of his wound. He decided to try his best to sit up. Ignoring the pain a little bit, he shifted his position and pushed the ground to rise onto his butt. Zell turned to another corner of the room, to see something yellow, tan and brown tremble.

"Selphie!" Zell exclaimed in surprise, "Selphie! Can you hear me? Selph!" Zell tried to crawl towards her, and managed to make some progress. He crawled across the small room and reached his friend.

Zell observed her. She had a few bruises, but that was nothing special in his case. His gaze moved upwards to her face.

Zell shivered at the sight.

Selphie's face represented absolute horror. It was as if she had carried a marble block on top of her shoulders up until now and a sculptor had taken it to carve the expression of fear onto it. Her expression was fixed.

Zell also saw the blood running down her fingers and cheeks. In that moment he realised that her eardrums had burst in the moment of chaos. But as Zell and Selphie remained the only conscious ones after the ceasing extermity, Zell had to take care of her the best he could.

Zell reached out and genlty prodded Selphie.

Selphie screamed her lungs off, and her legs started to throw random kicks onto the air as her eyes remained fixated onto a single point. A kick caught Zell on the side, and made him fall down to her side, locking his eye contact with her.

Selphie's eyes were indescribably full of terror. Zell could swear that the mind behind it had shattered, and the pieces of it's porcelain were hanging onto her skull. Her vision still wouldn't deviate from it's fixed point. Wondering what it was, Zell rolled over and faced what Selphie was looking at...

...It was an eyeball, hanging at the tip of a scalpel which lay on the ground.

"Great Hyne!" Zell exclaimed, feeling his stomach convulse. He quickly turned around from that and faced Selphie again, gazing into her big, round eyes that were still fixated onto that point. By gazing into her eyes, Zell felt himself falling downwards the spiral shaft of the tower that was Selphie's mind.

"Selphie!" Zell said, reaching out and shaking her, "Selphie! Snap out of it! COME ON, WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!"

The shout started to take effect. Zell watched Selphie's eyelids drift down slowly to meet each other. Once her eyes was shut, Zell knew that she was gathering herself back together. When she opened up her eyes, Zell saw tears in them. By letting out a soft moan, she slid forwards and embraced Zell.

"Zell! I'm so... glad you're here, Zell! I thought I was gonna..." her words were muffled in all the sobbing.

"Shhh... It's over..."

"It's NOT!" Selphie cried, "When will this end..? It's been like this ever since... Ever since she..."

"Look, I don't think Rinoa's directly involved in this, okay? You know how wierd things get in our life..."

"Not **that** much." Selphie objected, "Don't you remember Squall!? How he was always... Afraid... Shaky... How he was walking around like a ghost..."

"He was having rough days..." Zell said.

_Damn, _he thought, _if that was the quarter bit of the actual truth, I'll quit SeeD._

"No..." Selphie said, "Not that rough... You know he always appeared passive... He'd never do that! He'd never, you hear me, NEVER!!!"

"Selphie, calm down..." Zell said, fearing that the shadow might come back and haunt them even more.

"Zell..." Selphie said, sniffing, "We should do something about this... I don't wanna die... I don't wanna... Don't wanna..." she sobbed again and started to cry as the vision of the eye came back to her.

"Don't cry..." Zell said, as he managed to move himself up to his butt. Sitting up, he looked around.

All he saw was absolute chaos. Chaos was standing still around him; chaos was duplicating cosmos. He sat, watching the ceasing extremity. He turned to Selphie, whom had lifted herself up as well, wrapping her arms around Zell's neck and crying on his chest.

"It's gonna be alright, Selph." Zell said, not believing himself, "It's gonna be alright."

"Z...ell..?" came a rather shaken up, sleepy voice. When Zell turned around, he saw Quistis, trying to lift herself up from the ground.

Quistis felt absolutely horrible. The pain that had rushed through her body had left her so weak that she was trembling as she tried to gain back her full conscience and gather her thoughts. She ran her hand through her long, blonde hair as she looked around with a puzzled expression; observing the scene of violence.

"What the hell..?" she demanded.

"We don't know for sure." Zell said, "But Selphie has a theory on what happened."

"That shadow... Was it..?" Quistis started,

"I think... It was." Selphie replied, "I think it was a reflection of... all that's been keeping Squall under control... And under attack."

"I don't buy it." Quistis said, managing to use the bed post as a support and going back onto her knees, "He's a devoted SeeD. He has slain two sorceresses for us. He has gone through hell because of his devotion to orders. He won't do that."

"He's not just a soldier!" Selphie objected, "He's a human being! You all see him as just a regular 'cold, hard hero who is devoted to his mission and to what is good no matter what the cost' guy!"

"Don't we all do that!?" Zell demanded,

"I DON'T!!!" Selphie shouted as a reply.

Silence smiled at them once more, and took a picture of them to save in it's camera.

"That story was true?" Quistis asked, with a new perspective.

"No..." Selphie said,

"That story..." Quistis pressed on, "The one that concerned and upset Rinoa so much... That Squall was... getting intimate with you... Not a sexual one yet, but at least a love relationship... Is that true?"

"No."

"You've been **sighted**, dammit!" Quistis snapped, "You were kissing Squall... And he didn't seem so frigid towards you either! Now come clean! It may help us understand what's going on here!"

"It's not true! It wasn't me!"

"Who's going to mistake you for anyone!?" Zell demanded.

"Rinoa would!!!" Selphie said, "You don't understand... I was feeling sorry for him, I wanted to help him! He was giving in... He kept on giving in. He said that 'In this world, you either bend or you break'! He was breaking, don't you get it, he was breaking!"

"Breaking..?" Quistis demanded, "Who was breaking him? Who was making him do whatever he or she pleased?"

"You already know that..." Selphie said, "You felt the touch of that shadow. You saw it's shape. Whom does it belong to?"

Quistis couldn't speak. Her mouth was open, but she was mute through the revelation. She remembered his ceasing extremity. His carefulness on missions, his triple-checking everything. Him avoiding her, desperately staying away from his former instructor and sister figure, Quistis Trepe.

All of these actions were swirling around one opiton;

He was being abused.

Quistis was acquainted enough with him to know why he would deny what had been given to him.

Squall let out a soft moan and gave the others a sign of him gathering his conscience. Selphie and Quistis helped Zell up to his feet, and they started to walk towards the bed on which their friend was awakening...

...Or falling even deeper asleep.

"Where... What happened?" Squall demanded.

"Squall... Thank Hyne..." Selphie exclaimed, her eyes filling with tears.

"I'm... still in the Infirmary?" Squall demanded.

"That's unimportant!" Quistis snapped, "Squall, do tell me something-"

"Wait!" Zell said, stopping her, "First we need to understand-"

"Just shut up!" Quistis said.

Squall looked up from his current poisition, and made eye-contact with Quistis. She looked deep into his eyes; and saw that, a soul had fallen apart behind them.

"Squall..." she said, "I want to know... Do you remember anything?"

"I remember..." Squall replied; feeling that he was unable to confide in the broken pieces anymore.


	3. Interruption: Behind The Wall Of Sleep

**_"SYMPTOMS OF MERCY"_**

"_So rotten,  
__Sorry,  
__Truth is the truth- these are my words..."  
__Static-X:"S.O.M."_

**Interruption:"Behind The Wall Of Sleep" **

White.

Now, the world was white. It had turned to that pure colour he used to see on a pair of wings that were attached to an angel. But his sense of belonging had turned around and had been mutilated so much since then. His vision now only let him see white. Endless white, as if he was blindfolded by the feathers of an angel.

"See... That wasn't so hard, was it?" she demanded, as she got off him with the feeling of satisfaction running through her veins, "You always have to comply... Isn't it so much easier?"

He didn't reply. His mind was drifting above the clouds, which used to be white. They had shifted colour ever since then. The cloud architect had started to construct them with a different style.

"It's..." he said, feeling the last bit of feeling wash away with the colour of white; which brought back the black into him, "So much... easier... But... is it... right?"

"You still can not think outside terms." She said with disappointement, "Right, wrong... These are just words. Useless bunch of letters, strung up together by the twisted strings of a spiral puppeteer, used to fill dictionaries! You know perfectly well that we're beyond terms now."

He turned his head away from her. He had done this instinctively; but now he had to face the ultimate reality that was reflecting on the negative node of white.

He couldn't turn his mind away. He couldn't turn his thoughts away. There was no way that he could turn his soul away from her. And he couldn't turn himself away from this fact either.

He remembered it all... No matter how hard he tried to turn away from the fact, he did remember it. And she seemed to be taking pleasure in the pain she had caused him... And caused herself.

"I..." he said, struggling again, "Want to... Fight... This..."

"You can't. I told you this before." She said, her voice getting serious, "I told you to pay attention too."

"To... what..?" he demanded.

"Me." She replied, "Pay attention to only me. They don't know. They will never understand."

"They... have to..."

"They won't. You know they won't. I told you. They're all afraid of you. Of us. They'll always fear what they won't understand."

"They will... They are... our... friends..."

She stood her ground as she reached out to a rather delicate point of his body, and tapped it with her fingers. The pain got an applause of screaming from him. His body convulsed, he shook, he bit his lip deep enough to draw blood... But he didn't roll off the altar.

She smiled. She was adoring the way his leash was always so easy to pull. She felt herself shiver all over with the pleasure of keeping him in control.

Control. That was what it was all about ever since it had started. In the moment of their encounter, control was there. It had been there ever since... Tempting her, and leaving her thirsty for more.

And as she got more, she drained more from him. She tasted every bit of it like it was the divine drink; taken directly from the goblet of Hyne.

"No... They won't understand it." She repeated.

"They... have to..."

"Does a person always do what she has to do?" she demanded.

No reply came from him. And then, slowly, he parted his lips to speak one more time; from behind the wall of sleep.

"I... don't know why... I let you... Push this onto me."


	4. Symptom 2: Necessary Rememberance

_**"SYMPTOMS OF MERCY"**_

"_The intent of your darker...  
__Notions always remember..."  
__Static-X:"S.O.M."_

**Symptom 2:"Necessary Rememberance"**

Squall dressed himself in the memories that were engraved onto his mind; in order to break the circle and breach the core...

_Am I..._

_...Dead?_

"Squall! Squall, please! Squall, wake up!"

_But if I am..._

_...Who is this voice?_

_Who is calling me?_

"Squall, please! Wake up! Don't leave me now, I need you! I need you to be here with me!"

_Who would need me..?_

_I'm useless._

_Just an anti-social, frigid bastard who cannot even confess his own love towards someone so beautiful... And so naive..._

_But now I'm dead..._

_All these things she had said to me, remind me what to do when I'm dead..._

"Squall!" a sob emerged from the silence, "Squall... Great Hyne... Squall..."

_...Rinoa?_

"Squall... Oh, Squall... I love you... I love you so much... Please, come back to me..."

_...Rinoa!_

_I must... Wake up!_

_I must wake up!_

_I must... go to her._

"Squall..."

_I must resist!_

"Squall, please don't die..."

_Rinoa!_

"Squall... Oh, Hyne... Great Hyne, I'm so sorry! I'M SO SORRY!!!"

_RINOA!!!_

_It's no use. She'll never hear me. She's distant... And maybe she's right. I AM dying._

_Or am I already dead?_

"I love you, Squall... I love you. I love you with all my heart... AND I WANT YOU HERE BY MY SIDE!!!"

"Rinoa..." Squall's mouth shaped the words and released them. He could feel his vocal chords trembling to the word.

"Squall! Dear Hyne, my! SQUALL!!!"

Squall opened up his eyes to see light shed on her face... Her smile brightening up the hard times underneath her eyes, her lips eager to dance with his, her eyes in contact with his...

...Her heart trembling in his chest.

"Squall... I'm so glad that you're alive... I love you, I LOVE YOU, YOU COLD, HARD, FRIGID BASTARD, I LOVE YOU!!!" with her last words, she embraced Squall with all of her strength and love.

Squall felt emotions splash to the shore of his serenity, and his arms seemed to move with minds of their own to embrace her. He held her close to his chest; so close that he could hear her heart beating against his.

His eyes observed the clearest of all blue skies, with leaves of flowers flying in a wortex around them; a sincere embrace from Mother Nature.

"Rinoa..." Squall could exclaim as he inhaled a deep breath to catch her scent. The natural smell of her hair filled his lungs, filled his mind, clouded his vision, filled up his eyes, sent chills down his spine, to fill through his lower torso as an intoxicant drug; the excitement stimulant. Squall felt a simple breath embrace him more than she ever could.

His eyes were facing the sky... Which had started to twist and turn now. Without giving out any muscular reaction, he kept watching the vortex of the sky shift to something far more sinister. He tried to push it away, but he soon found out that he had no effect on the scene.

His eyes witnessed...

_...A world in ruins was smiling at him, with the scent of burnt flesh fresh in his lungs..._

_...A man, standing on top of a mountain below which flames were racing to reach the top..._

_...The man's leather trenchcoat fly in the heat of the flames, his face was looking down, and his figures was shielded by his hair..._

_...A gunblade in his hand, tip of which was contacting the ground..._

_...A woman with black angel wings approach from behind him..._

_...The woman was dressed in a rather seductive dress coloured in dark blue..._

_...The raven hair of her fly with the same heat that whipped the man's trenchcoat and hair..._

_...A n army raging to meet them..._

_...A man in the hands of a woman; a man struggling to break free of her incluence..._

_...Himself bound to a most powerful seduction..._

"Squall..!" Rinoa's voice pulled him out of the vision. Squall blinked. When he opened up his eyes, the scene was gone...

...And the sky was still beautiful.

"Rinoa..." Squall said, "I found my way to you. I don't want to lose you again... I won't!"

"Neither will I lose you, my love..." Rinoa replied, holding him tighter.

They laid in each other's arms for quite some time... Squall was embraced by the memories; by the hopes, doubts, emotions, hardships, hatred, love, everything.

As that moment passed, Squall watched Rinoa smile to him as if heavens had just descended to Earth. Then, he mentioned that it was time to get up. Rinoa smiled, and said;

"Yes, you're right. It's morning on earth. Let's go back to our friends."

Slowly, Squall rose, inhaling the power her presence was giving him. He was severly wounded; not only mentally, but physically as well. As Squall felt Rinoa support his weight, he muttered a grace to Hyne underneath his breath.

_I love her... That's the only truth. I love her, that's all it matters! I LOVE HER!_

Rinoa supported his weight, and helped him walk on the flowers that were dancing to the gentle wind. She smiled, her body resisting to give in to his weight; she smile inside of her mind.

_He's here... He's with me... I have Squall... with me!_

Their steps guided them through the flowers that laid around them like a drowning pool. The pool was drowning itself with the flowers it contained. Their steps didn't crush the flowers, even if they did, Squall knew that somehow nature would find it's way through the mess.

Rinoa helped Squall walk across the flower field and arrive at the little stone clearing behind the destroyed orphanage. Squall stepped onto the stone surface, and then, tried to stand on his own feet, managing to do so.

"Thank you." Squall said, "I can walk now... Thanks."

"You don't need me?" Rinoa demanded.

"I do..." Squall said, "By my side... I need you right here with me."

"I'll go check on the others, though." Rinoa said, "I have to. I want to know if they made it back."

"Don't go!" Squall exclaimed, holding onto Rinoa.

"I'll be back in a few." Rinoa assured him.

"Okay..." Squall said.

Rinoa got up and walked back into the house, disappearing from his view. In that exact moment, Squall heard footsteps. Alarmed by the sound, he jumped up, with his fists clenched, his eyes looking for his attacker.

Slowly, a figure faded into view. Squall first saw a long, blonde hair. Then, a woman's tired body appeared. Quistis was leaning on the wall to stand, and yet, she was still trying to reach Squall.

"Quistis?" Squall demanded.

"Squall? Oh, holy Shiva, Squall!!!"

Quistis looked at him. He looked so vulnerable now... So lovely. Beautiful. She gathered all her strength.

_If I never tell him he will never know. If he doesn't know I won't tell him. But he must know! He must see this! My... affection. He must know how much I love him..._

_...And how afraid I was that I lost him!_

With a sudden determination, she started to walk towards him. Her calm steps quickened as she got more anxious. Her lips parted to utter the three words that were already a part of an entirely different cliché which was just the same. She came at him in a pace so exciting and full of dreams that, she couldn't see anything else.

Squall didn't take a step back, he had ignored the warnings, ignored the footsteps approaching from within the house. He just stood still as Quistis' arms were wrapped around his neck, and her lips was pressing onto his. He couldn't even make a sound as Quistis kissed him.

Squall was stiff as a statue-while he sensed that Quistis was going limp of this fullfilled desire. Her thoughts were exploding inside of her head.

_I love Squall Leonhart! I love him with all my heart!!!_

Quistis broke the kiss, and retreated, smiling. She licked her lips, gently, to taste a residue of him. She smiled one more time, and looked into his eyes.

Squall was struck in awe. He stared into her eyes, and felt something stir inside of his heart. As if a circular saw was turning on a spike that was impaled onto it, he felt the pain...

...And he enjoyed it.

He knew that, this time, he had found a different choice; one more difficult. He had to embrace her. Squall loved Quistis from the day they had met. He loved Rinoa just the same.

"Squall..." Quistis said, "I love you." Her lips parted one more time after this sentence came through to divulge more than he wanted to, and less than she wanted to, "I love you! I'm in love with you, Squall Leonhart! I don't care for anything! I just wish to be with you! I can't help it! I-" her words were cut as Squall kissed her... Regret-free.

However, Squall also thought that he could be scot-free.

As they kissed, he felt his world break free of pain and doubt. The two emotions of his, disappeared as he kissed her. During the entire struggle, she had been there for him.

But, they were suddenly seperated as a spell hit Squall from his side. While some parts of his clothes burned out immidiately, he was thrown off his feet and into the flowers.

Quistis stood her ground in confusion and shock. She looked around, but couldn't see anyone; although she was sensing some sort of aura. Quistis felt fear brush it's thin, bony fingers on her spine, making her shiver.

"Show your face..." Quistis demanded, "So I can know what to think."

No reply came. Quistis waited for a sound to emerge from something around her, but silence stood all around her.

Meanwhile, Squall was lying in a flower bed, still trying to shake the touch of death off. His hand pressed against the soil, breaking a few flowers, and he pushed himself upwards.

His gaze contacted the sky; and the sky started to swirl one more time, and showed Squall all he had seen before... The man, the girl, the lonely soldier...

_...The soldier was fighting a war for the girl..._

_...He was fighting with the ruthlessness of a man with nothing to lose..._

_...He had nothing to lose..._

_...Because he had already lost the war of his own..._

_...But he was fighting willingly..._

_...And as blood rained down, the girl smiled from atop the rocks..._

_...She knew she was in control of him..._

Squall shievered and stared down. He couldn't shake off Fear which was clawing against his temples now...

The "lonely" soldier.

_What is this!? Is it the future? Is it the past? Is it a wish, or my imagination!? Why am I standing there like... Like a powerful, but broken man!?_

"Ah, Squall, there you are!" came Rinoa's voice, pulling Squall out of his thoughts before they could make real progress.

"Rinoa..." Squall could say as the stranger approached him. Squall couldn't recognize Rinoa; not with that strange, crimson glare in her eyes. He could see the colour of her emotion as he gazed into those once beautiful eyes.

He sensed that, he was walking on thin ice; although he hadn't done anything.

"Come on. We're going back to the orphanage." Rinoa said.

"Fine, whatever." Squall said, pushing himself up.

Rinoa stretched out her hand for him to hold. Squall didn't touch her as he passed her by. He wanted to be away from her, suddenly. He blamed it all on Quistis' move; yet he couldn't find justification in that lie.

He smiled bitterly, and continued to walk. He felt Rinoa's bitter presence approach from behind him. He didn't care, for he was too lost in his own dilemma one more time.

_Quistis or Rinoa... Two women of my life. Quistis, I love. Rinoa, I love. Rinoa I hate, and Quistis I hate. Two dilemmas at one time, and I can't cope with it._

_I don't know. First, there was Sis. Then came Quistis, and now Rinoa. How can I decide?_

_Decide?_

_And what if I don't? What if I... what if I can't? What will happen then? Will I live with the two?_

_Live? I was about to die in the Time Compression... And now, they are forcing me to decide?_

_Forcing? They aren't forcing me! I cannot be forced to bend!_

_Not that I cannot be forced to bend..._

_...I will not bend!_

He took his first step onto the stone steps. Then, he passed through the door and entered the building.

As he got to the place which was in shambles, he witnessed everyone sitting around with tiredness plain on their faces.

"Squall!" Quistis said, getting up immidiately. As Squall shot a confused, nervous look to her, he saw a meaningful silence in her eyes.

_Do not talk about it. Please, just don't talk about it._

Squall didn't reply, he just stared away. His eyes found Selphie. She was sitting there, desolate, lonely, but still, as Squall watched, cheer started to fill her eyes. Squall smiled a little bit.

_Selphie... Cheerful as always._

His gaze traveled across the room again, finding Irvine and Zell this time. They were lost in a conversation of whose Limit Break had dealt the death blow on Ultimecia. Squall's smile broadened a little bit more. They were still the same.

His eyes then found Quistis, who plainly smiled at him. Just to see that energetic smile shine through the darkness of his had felt divine to Squall. Squall smiled and continued to look.

He saw Edea, weeping in Cid'S arms. Cid appeared to be in sorrow as well. Squall briefly wondered why they would feel sad about the destruction of Ultimecia.

"Why are you crying, Matron?" Squall asked, "We won the battle."

Edea half-turned, and looked into his eyes. In that moment when their stares were locked, Squall felt her voice fade into his head as thoughts which were hard to dismiss;

_You won the battle; but you lost yourself, Squall._

Squall stood there, pinned down to where he was standing. He shot a nervous look at Edea, and then, turned away.

By chance, his eyes met Rinoa's round, beautiful eyes. His own soulless eyes gazed into those round universes, and he saw his future, lying ahead of him.

A future with her.

This thought saddened him. Committing to her meant not being free. Freedom was his ultimate value. She would so sweetly destroy it. She would lovingly caress him as she secretly snucked away his freedom.

_I would hate to break her heart... Hate it even more to have my own heart broken. _

_But we just got out of a battle. I can't let my head be filled with thoughts like that one just yet!_

You better not.

Squall's eyes opened wide.

It was Rinoa's voice.

_You can contact me through my thoughts?_

What's worse, Lion, I saw you kissing Quistis Trepe out there. Thought I wouldn't notice, did you? I noticed. I was the one who hit you with a fire spell. Now I am the one speaking to you.

Rinoa smiled a little bit.

I see that you're irritated by this thought of me invading your anonimity. All I can say is, how can you do that to me!? How can you end up kissing her so willingly while I gave you life?

_Yes, you gave me life... I don't deny that you did. But she gave me something pure; love. She gave me her unconditional love. She didn't expect me to hold her hand or whisper her romantism! She just kissed me out of the blue, knowing it was her only shot._

IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE!!!

Rinoa's cry of anger made a sharp pain enter his temples, and Squall held his head, falling to his knees.

Everyone jumped up at this sudden and rather strange move. But it was Rinoa whom had fallen onto her knees as well, and had crawled up to Squall.

"Squall, what happened, are you alright?"

Squall looked into her eyes and shouted out with his thoughts;

_Your shout almost split my skull open!_

Squall I'm so sorry... Rinoa's voice faded into his head.

Squall smiled to her, knowing that she still loved him.

...But not too sorry. You shouldn'tve done what you did.

The smile of Squall's faded away.

* * *

_You will learn why fear has a capital letter at the beginning of it(Fear) later on._


	5. Influence: Burning Inside

**_"SYMPTOMS OF MERCY"_**

"_Kiss me, kiss this..!  
__I don't remember..!  
__Three years, three tears!  
__What's wrong and...  
__Damn!"  
__Static-X:"S.O.M."_

**Influence:"Burning Inside" **

Red.

His world had now shifted it's colour one more time, and had turned to red. He remembered the significance of that colour... She had tattoos carved onto her skin, all with tribal symbols of archaic fears, coloured in blood red... Crimson for his flames.

He remembered a song they used to listen to. And he thought that he understood the theme only too well, "Black and White and Red All Over". The three colours were matching his sight, his mind.

Deep inside of his mind, he saw the bright colours of a miracle; the shining faerie lights that raced each other in a contest of burning the brightest...

...As he watched, he sensed that something was wrong in this picture. He knew that it's edges had frayed, and the picture never was perfect after that; never again was it the same.

"So..." she asked, as she broke their kiss and retreated from him, "Are you ready to state your loyalty yet?"

"Give me... anything but this one..." he replied, trying to escape. She smiled. He always had tried to avoid the inevitable. How naive he was; how uneducated in the matters of control and influence. He had never seen her grip hold him tight before he had felt it crush the bone framework around his mind.

And he was giving in to that sense of being crushed by something as tender as it was violent. He couldn't resist it. He hated it with all of his being; while he adored the sight of his own world falling down.

"What is on your mind?"

"Nothing..."

"Don't lie."

"I... swear..."

"DON'T SWEAR FOR NOTHING!!!"

Her entire palm was pressed onto his stomach, and he felt a great amount of pain emerge from the contact point, sending the glass shards in his veins to travel his body once again.

His throat couldn't handle it. He screamed in absolute agony, begged to all the gods that had abandoned him to stop it.

And suddenly, the red sting ceased to enter. It stuck itself out of his skin, only to leave it's shards to travel across his veins and enter his mind a little bit deeper.

"Now..." she said, her voice turning seductive and sweet again, "Tell me what's on your mind."

"I... was... just thinking... About my... doubt."

"Doubt? You doubt something? What is it that you doubt?"

"You... me... us... them... everything..."

"Why do you doubt it?"

He laid on the altar for one more second before he answered her question; and as the words slipped out from between his broken lips, he knew that the final line he had to cross will have been crossed when the exclaimation mark was put at the end of his sentence.

"Because... you still... hurt me... and I am... loyal to... only you..."

She smiled. She had won. She had destroyed his shell. She had destroyed his control over his own mind. She had destroyed his defence, his resistence, his pain... She had destroyed him.

"Now..." she said, as he felt her touch on his forehead and shivered with it, "I will show the world to your own beautiful eyes."

He felt his blindness be lifted slowly... As the world started to fade into his view, a sentence escaped him; and gave her even more joy.

"I... love you but... you still hurt me..."


	6. Symptom 3: Unnecessary Rememberance

**_"SYMPTOMS OF MERCY"_**

"_I feel, I fear..!  
__Never for nothing..!  
__I've fucked, I love!  
__Now I remember..."  
__Static-X:"S.O.M."_

**Symptom 3:"Unnecessary Rememberance" **

"Squall..." Selphie exclaimed, "...What is your reason for this?"

"Reason?" Squall demanded.

"You know... The reason, the cause behind what's been happening to you."

"What has been happening to me?" Squall demanded, absent-mindedly.

"Squall, don't play with me." Selphie said, her voice was serious.

Squall looked at her with a look of suspicion. His stare, to Selphie, also divulged the hurt inside.

"Squall, won't you please tell me why you let her?"

"Let who?"

Two teardrops appeared at the corners of her eyes with his reply.

Squall's eye caught that response. His own mind started to fill itself out with tears, but then, he realised that, there was no more space left to fill with tears in his head.

"Hey, don't cry." Squall said.

"I cry only because I care! Only because you won't tell me what's going on!"

"You wouldn't understand!"

"Just try me!" Selphie blurted out.

"She is my sorceress, dammit! I cannot disobey her! We share a certain bond, can you comprehend that!? Does it get through? The bond of ours is beyond that of words, of emotions, of feelings, of thoughts! She's my everything! I don't even know her, but she's my everything!!!"

After the last sentence left his lips, he regretted it deeply. Because Selphie's eyes couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Right in front of him, she broke down and started to choke in tears; her sorrow was for her dear friend.

"Selphie, please, don't-"

"Shut up!" Selphie replied, her face resurfacing from her arms... Squall saw that her black eyeliner was melting on her face, drawing lines of sorrow onto it.

"Selphie, what-"

"Squall, I loved you... As my dearest friend! My dearest friend, do you know what a friend means? A friend is someone to have fun with, to talk for hours on nonsense stuff, to not talk sometimes; but a friend is a person with whom you share something! You don't share with me, you don't share anything with anyone! And I hate that! I hate it! I don't deserve a threat for being a friend!" she sobbed again, giving signs about her unwilling desire to continue crying.

Squall sighed, but knew that, it wasn't going anywhere. He held the chair to get up.

"But, Squall, I know something." Selphie said, lifting her face up one more time, "You are slipping away. From us, from yourself. I don't think anyone is safe if you lose yourself, Squall, listen to me! You have to hear me! What will happen if you lose control, and she turns evil!? Evil sorceresses with knights is not uncommon!"

Getting up to leave, Squall looked into Selphie's eyes, and said "If something like that happens, Selphie, I will need you to do something for me."

"What?" Selphie demanded.

"You will learn that from Quistis later on."

"Tell me, Squall. It might be of some us to me now."

"You don't need to know what. Quistis will know. She will remember... the last time I had asked such a thing of her."

Then, Squall started to walk to the exit of the Cafeteria, leaving Selphie, and her joy behind him.

He stood in the middle of the hall, all alone, and thinking of what to do. Then, he remembered the clouds, and how he had seen a vision of himself, fighting a battle for a girl he knew but was a total stranger to.

_Matron. Matron should know what that means. This has been driving me nuts ever since that day. Matron should know._

Determined to learn what it was, Squall turned to the path leading to the elevator. As he walked, he started to think, without noticing the people around him.

_What was that? A man... Me... Holding my gunblade and fighting a war for her._

_Fighting? No. I was winning a war for her. And by just looking at that scene, I can definately tell that, he had lost control. He was winning a war for her; my actions only to win it._

_For her. I was risking everything for her._

He got out of the elevator, and started to walk towards the classroom currently in which he knew Edea was teaching. He got to it's door, and checked his watch. It was 14:57. The class had ended two minutes ago. He walked straight inside, to find the class completely vacant except for Edea, who was putting her files to an align in her workstation.

"Matron?" Squall demanded acknowledgement of presence.

"Hello, child." Edea said, a bitter smile crossing her lips. Squall found himself wondering why he was seeing that bitter smile too much lately.

"Why do you keep calling me 'child' lately?" Squall spit out before even thinking about his actual question.

"I call the ones I have raised as 'child' because you are practically my children."

"You call the others by their names."

"You should figure out why I am calling you only 'child', child."

Squall tried to make sense out of her sentence. Failing to do so, he decided to ask a question to start the train...

...A train which was on the rails that lead to his actual question.

"Can someone see hallucinations after great shocks... Or revivals?"

"Yes." Edea said, "Someone can see hallucinations in those conditions. That 'someone' is capable of many hallucinations if he or she does drugs, though."

"I don't do drugs."

"Have you been having conversations with your pet friend bunnies?" Edea demanded.

"No." Squall replied, "I don't have any now or had any anytime near. I just... Saw something a while ago. Something strange, something I couldn't explain."

"You need either a psychoanalist or a psychic, child."

"You are a sorceress."

"_Was_, a sorceress."

"You come pretty close to a psychic."

Edea sighed, that bitter smile crossing her face again. Saving the current settings, she turned her workstation off, and stood up, her plain gray dress hanging over her like a funeral outfit she was too elegant to carry.

"Do tell me." Edea demanded.

"When I awakened at the flower field... I saw something."

"Exactly what?"

Squall gave her a description of how the skies had swirled to a hole to show him a man with a trenchcoat and a gunblade stand on top of a mountain, ready to win a war for the girl...

...He told Edea that the man was him.

When his words ceased to be, Edea's questions arose;

"Child, don't you know!? Do you even listen to my lectures!?"

"It's been some time since you started teaching, Matron, but remember, all my time is wasted in missions!"

"Don't lie to me, child!" Edea shouted, "You were here during every lecture!"

"So what if I was!?" Squall demanded, "That doesn't explain what she didn't like me telling you!"

"Of course she won't like it!"

"Why, because you will lie to me?"

"No, because she **knows** what it means!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MEAN THEN!?"

"**_FOR HYNE'S SAKE- YOU GAZED INTO THE FUTURE, SQUALL!!!_**"

Squall stood there in absolute silence, as Edea welcomed his move as well. She hung her head in despair, as Squall tried to grasp the meaning of those words.

"It can't be true."

"Every once in a while, a peekhole opens in the fabric of time-space, and it does only so after a great amount of magic is used in a certain area... The Flower Field would suffice to be that area, wouldn't it? Yes... I see you're accepting it, so why don't you see what that means?"

"It's impossible."

"No. What supports this theory is the idea that if you gaze too far into the future, your stare travels around the spiral of time and space, turning to show yourself. That would explain why that man was you... But do you know whom that girl was?"

"No."

"What was she doing again?"

"Making the man win a war- no, wait! I was winning a war for her because I wanted to. Not because she had forced the man or anything."

"No. She was manipulating him. That's what you said in your initial description. She was manipulating him. And that makes her Rinoa."

"I don't think so."

"Why? I've watched you try to resist and slowly drift away. I watched your hope disappear. And now, I see you deny it too."

"Such thing is impossible; you can't see your own future!"

Edea's eyes widened with the expression in his voice; and the meaning it carried. Her hands started to shake as they moved up to her mouth to clamp over it as she sighed a prayer;

"Great Hyne in Heaven save us!"

"What?"

"Child..." Edea said, her voice shaking, "It's not impossible now."

"Why not?"

"It is not impossible. It's just... inevitable as of now. You've given in. You've seen it. You know it. And yet you deny it. You have already given in. You're broken, child. No one can fix you but her, and she... Will not."

"What!?" Squall demanded, his voice rising slightly, "She wouldn't like to see me suffer! She would hurt inside if I hurt! How can you say such a thing!?"

"Rinoa likes it when you're under her control... Under her undying influence."

"That's a lie." Squall said.

"You can decide whether it is or not later on by yourself, since Selphie took a great risk by talking to you today."

"What?"

"Rinoa went up to her and told her to stay away from you. Evidently, you've been spending too much time together... For her standarts, anyway."

"That's not true."

"I said you can decide whether it is not or it is later on by yourself. Just try asking Rinoa..." Edea sighed, "You will find that I am right, and that there is no escape from it now."

Squall looked into her eyes, begging for a sign of light to appear for him to follow. Nothing happened. Her eyes were filled with a desolate sorrow now.

"Whatever the cost... I think someone will save you. Someone to redeem you... As well as herself."

Squall missed that she had used a "her" as his savior. He gritted his teeth and said,

"Permission to leave the class?"

"Permission granted. Dismissed." Edea said.

As Squall got out of the classroom, Edea's hand fondled the wooden covering of her workstation.

_That child, _Edea thought, _has longed for the warmth of someone permanent for so long that... It'll be his doom. It'll lead him to torment and pain..._

_...And yet there is no way I can save him._

_I guess... I must accept that maybe he doesn't wish to be saved... That maybe, just maybe, he loves her and that love could reach out through all the pain and the torment, the desire to control and the addiction, and cover them in the storm._

Outside, as Squall walked to the elevator, the gears and wheels in his mind had started to work.

_This isn't true! Rinoa doesn't practice influence on me! She loves me, and is a little bit jeolous, that's about it... I don't think she would..._

_I don't think?_

_What am I thinking? Of course she wouldn't do such a thing!_

Determined that this was the truth, Squall felt the elevator shake and start to move down.

_Why would she want to control me when she knows I will not bend?_

_I remember..._

_She had said something about that once..._

"_In life, dear love, you either bend or you break."_

_Did that mean me, by any chance?_

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the elevator doors sliding open. He guided his steps through New Balamb Garden, and as he turned his direction to the dormitories, his train of thought continued to advance.

_If that meant me... Then she would have me broken._

_Broken if I won't bend, which I had been trying to for the last few months... But it's hard. Nobody knows how it is when the only one person you love tries to manipulate your mind._

_Guess I should've followed what a quotation I had once read said to me;_

_"Manipulate my mind, I don't mind."_

He noticed that he had just arrived at the door of their dormitory. He reached into his pocket to find the key to this door.

_I wonder if I will keep on searching for keys for all my life... Key to salvation, key to her heart, key to logic..._

_...Will I ever have all the keys and seek the locks?_

Opening up the door, Squall walked inside of their dormitory... The name was too humble for a rather large suite with built-in kitchen and a private bathroom with a jacuzzi(an addition requested by Rinoa).

Rinoa was already inside the room. She was wearing black denim jeans underneath a black blouse, and her black boots were shining.

"Hello, Rinoa." Squall said, walking up to her. She was sitting on the bed, reading a book. Squall bent down, and Rinoa lifted her head up for him. Their lips met for three seconds, and then, Squall broke the kiss, sitting at her side.

"Hi, Squall." Rinoa said, "How was your day?"

"Not bright. Edea told me some strange stuff."

"She's strange all over, dear lion."

"Whatever." Squall replied.

Silence fell into the room. Squall was searching for a way to break it gently, so it wouldn't hurt anybody, let alone her. He smiled bitterly to himself, he didn't even know how to start a train of words that would lead to the final destination of the conversation.

He then, thought that, a simple approach could solve everything. Determined that this was a valid logic, he said;

"Rinoa, I need to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Would you threaten anybody other than the politicians or enemies?"

"I would, if that person is doing something I want to."

"Like what- seems an affection to a possession of yours that you adore?"

Squall hadn't noticed it, but after the sentence reached his ears, he noticed that he had just named himself as a _possession of hers._

"I can be very, _very_ intimidated and intimidating in that situation."

"So you really did tell Selphie to stay away from me?"

"What I said was, exactly, 'Stay away from my knight, or I'll have you raped for a hundred times and murdered through torment.'"

"How the hell can you say that to a dear friend!?" Squall demanded,

"I said what I said because I don't like her! She's too open, too liberal! She likes fucking around you, so I gave that little bitch a lecture about borders and how three's a crowd!"

"To hell with all the common sense relationship notions you read in those damn newspapers everyday! You did tell her that, now is it true?"

"Yes, I did."

Squall stood in silence for a single moment.

"Behave, Squall." Rinoa said, her eyes carrying the crimson grin he had known for quite a while.

"Shut the fuck up! You had no right to tell Selphie to stay away from me!"

"Why the hell not? I am your girlfriend, Squall, I do have a right to get jeolous!"

"Being 'jeolous' means spitting off puns about the acts the opposite end of the relationship carries in my dictionary, not threatening her!"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"ADMIT THAT YOU'RE A VIOLENT, JEOLOUS, COMPLEX'D, PARANOID BITCH!!!"

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!**" Rinoa's hand drew a swift curve in the air, scratching the skin off Squall's neck, and splattering blood all over the floor. Squall let out a grunt of pain, as his left hand immidiately went to the wound on his neck. The next move came from his forehead, and slit open his scar. Squall screamed this time, trying to see through all the blood covering his eyes. Rinoa'Ss feet came in contact with his chin, and sent his head backwards.

Squall lost his balance, and saw the floor approach to him in a very familiar way...

..._I am falling... Just like thousand times before. How I would love to recoil... But I can't._

_I don't want to hurt her._

Squall smashed onto the ground, and felt the pain scorch his body. His world spun for three times, such as the chamber of his gunblade, and then crashed with all it's might.

As it crashed, Squall felt his own shooting star explode into oblivion.

"Why don't you listen to me when I speak!!!" Rinoa demanded, as she came to his side.

"Rinoa..." Squall could let out, "Just... Stop it."

"I won't." She replied, "Not until you tell me what I want to hear."

"What do you want to hear, that you are a violent-"

"I SAID SHUT UP!!!" she shouted, her kick landing onto his groin, making him scream out in pain. Rinoa knelt immidiately and reached out to the cut on his neck. Squall tried to keep away, but her fingertip had already reached that spot. She briefly tapped onto it.

Squall's throat let out blood as he started to let out a drowned scream which immidiately turned to sobs out of the blood that filled his throat. He started to choke on the ground.

_Maybe this can make me die... Hyne knows I wouldn't deny it._

"Now..." Rinoa said, "What will you say?"

Squall mumbled something between choked breaths.

"What was that?" Rinoa demanded.

She felt her grasp hold him; and her mind add another brick to the wall she was building around his mind and soul.

"I'm... sorry!" Squall managed to get out between his coughs.

"Good... You better be." Rinoa replied, as a satisfied smile stretched itself across her lips.

"I am." Squall said, "I am sorry."

"That's so nice of you, love."

Outside the dormitory room, Selphie heard Rinoa say "Now, Squall, my dear, let's go to bed, shall we?"

"What about the wound?" Squall demanded.

"I can heal it... I will too; if you're nice."

Selphie pressed her back against the wall, not being able to supress her tears anymore. Her eyeliner was running as she listened to Squall say;

"Don't hesitate to do what you have to do to me..."

As Selphie heard Rinoa's cheerful sigh, she felt the tears press harder against her eyes. She buried her face into her broken hands, and then, started to cry with loud sobs.

In her mind; in her mind of happiness and how things will always work out, a bomb had just exploded. Her dreams and her own personal, pink Ockham's Razor anology had just gotten unequated.

One thought had destroyed the basis of her way of thinking; and had killed her right at his dormitory room...

_He has given in._

* * *

_Author's Notes:There you go. "Symptoms of Mercy" will hopefully be the first part of a trilogy(it's "hopefully" because I hope I can write the damn thing). Later on will come the two later chapters of this story of manipulation... Extending it to further levels of self-control, and emotional hardships with how a broken mind functions._

_The quote was taken from Spiral Architect's song "Excessit". The lyrics of the only major Spiral Architect release "A Sceptic's Universe" are written by the vocalist, Oyvind Hægeland._


	7. Incarnation: New Pain

**_"SYMPTOMS OF MERCY"_**

"_Remember..."  
__Static-X:"S.O.M."_

**Incarnation:"New Pain" **

Finally, he was seeing the walls of this newly built soil temple with his own two eyes, with all the colours they could comprehend.

He stared at the ceiling, without seeing the colours, without caring about them. He just required a subtle, fixed point of refference.

But he knew that there was no longer a point of refference left but her.

He did not want to turn his head and look at her. He knew his eyes would fill with tears out of the beauty she carried. He would cry; for she was so beautiful; the angel that symolised hate.

Oh, he did hate her. He hated her with all he had. He despised her every move, he was absolutely disgusted of every curve in her body... He hated everything he loved about her; as much as he loved everything that he hated about her.

"So, came to your senses?" she demanded, a sense of rememberance in her voice.

His eyes filled with tears as he knew he had to turn his stare towards her. He knew that her demand was that he looked at her when he spoke. He started to turn his head on the altar; with every inch of turning being against his will.

And there she was... Standing a blue dress that left not much to the imagination. Standing tall and more subtle than him on her stilletto heels.

"Well well, what have we got here..? A rogue SeeD that serves a sorceress?"

"You know..." he said, "You know who or what I am..."

"I know." She said, and cut it off there. He sensed her second demand of asking the question she knew he would.

"Say my name..." he said, his eyes letting out his porcelain tears.

"Squall Leonhart." She replied, with a razor smile on her lips.

"And you are?"

"A sorceress' knight." He replied, his voice a little bit subtle, and he suddenly sensed that, he didn't need any point of refference other than her. She knew. She knew what he himself had been searching for all this time.

"Whose?"

"Yours."

"Who am I?"

"You're my sorceress. The one I have a bond with... A special bond that goes beyond that of mind." His voice wasn't being cut off by sighs, deep breaths, or any complicated emotions. He knew what he had to.

"Now, why don't you get dressed?" Rinoa suggested.

Squall felt his trenchcoat rest there. He managed to push himself upto his feet, and felt every move replenish his strength, his belief. He got dressed in the clothes she had seen look good on him.

Squall knew that, they were coming for him and her. He knew that the "orphanage gang" had gathered their army to go against them. As he felt the handle of his gunblade fit into his palm perfectly, he knew that Quistis was leading them. He knew that she wanted to save the world for him, just like he had desired.

Rinoa sat onto her throne, her wings shifting position to make her more comfortable. She pointed at the outside, and said, "Squall, my knight, now, you must win a war for me... For my love."

Squall could feel the weight of the gunblade in his hand. As he stood on his feet, watching his former friends enter the caves with an army of people, he suddenly felt no regrets.

Squall Leonhart thought himself as a man enough to stand by his promise...

...A promise that was given; not taken.

Even if the whole world is against you, I will be your knight. 

Squall slowly lifted up his gunblade and got it ready for a battle. He stood his ground until the first soldiers came through the door.

Squall lunged at them, crying out Rinoa's new name;

**"AYREONA!!!"**

As LionHeart danced with him, he found it in himself to accept that everything he had kept inside for her had slowly turned into a new pain.


End file.
